Thursday, May 19, 2016


Free 2016 Mixed Media on Canvas 16"x20" Marcy LaBella

Ok – so I usually keep this blog to lighter topics – art and community, creativity, making art with children and things I am truly passionate about.  Today because of a post I saw on Facebook I am going to talk about something that I rarely discuss – I have a stalker. Not a joke, a real life, 30 plus year stalker.   My stalker is blocked on Facebook, but occasionally someone will reference IT by name – I refuse to give it a human pronoun at this point, and today it infuriated me. Last year I had a similar reaction – a nice picture of a group of us – a young, happy crowd posing for a group shot in a hip night club where we all used to hang out – Happy Times?  No – there IT was…two rows behind me – IT the stalker.

 It started out harmlessly with a guy who was kind of a square peg who hung out on the fringes of the very cool and eclectic music scene that was a big part of my youth.  His band was not one of the cool ones, his friends were few and he was not in with the in crowd.  Our scene was not a mean one though, and everyone was welcome, no one was shunned or treated like an outcast.  We were all quirky, different and everyone –even the very strange were accepted. When does a harmless crush cross over the line, take the corner, become stalking?

Photo by Wendy Horowitz

At first it was just awkward; I was dating someone and then someone else which he knew at the time.  I was not interested anyway. He repeatedly called my family home and soon everyone was instructed to tell IT I was not at home no matter what – IT was constantly calling and wanting to talk about nothing. IT wrote an embarrassing song with my name as the title and wondered why I ran out of the bar in horror when IT’s band played it.  It did not end there, even after a few years and the scene having kind of split up a bit. I was living on my own at the time and I remember changing some musical gear and placing an ad in the local musician’s paper to sell an amplifier with just my first name and phone number – mistake…the calls started again and messages started to be left regularly on my machine.  I moved around a bit back then and then my phone number changed and IT lost my trail.  I got married and changed my last name - great – anonymity or you would think.   Nope, fast forward a few years later and I got a phone call at the business that I owned with a friend.  IT was now living out of state, working for a credit card company, the one where I had my business account. Yes IT recognized my name (Maiden must have been listed on the account) when IT was working and used my confidential information to look me up at work. I told It I was married and not to contact me again. It sent me IT’s latest CD instead.  At the time my husband wanted to call the police or the FBI because of the security violation.  I remembered a harmless, overweight and socially awkward young man and brushed it off, a mistake I regret today.

Fast forward again to the 2000’s and IT’s back in the area.  Just in time for the reunions of our music scene, Facebook groups popping up and social media.  IT sent 3 friend requests back when you could do that on Facebook and I ignored them all.  On the last one I told IT I wanted no contact – because IT had violated my privacy and had used my personal credit card information to contact me which was a federal offence.  IT stopped sending the requests but that did not stop IT from going to the local events and trying to initiate conversation or pretending to need to walk by my table or area multiple times a night.  IT was repeatedly told to leave me alone by my male friends. At this point I began to tell at least the people who were local that IT was a stalker. One thing I noticed that had changed was that now IT drinks when before IT was always sober.

 I know the “incident” that pushed it over the edge was 3 years ago because it just came up on my Facebook “memories”.  My friend and I went to see the Darkness in New Haven.  IT was there.  It kept walking by as IT does, close by, and pretending not to be doing it intentionally.  We weren’t worried about IT because we were with my friend's brother and his friend and they are if I must say so – pretty badass.  We were completely engrossed in the show and all of a sudden I looked up and IT was coming towards us. I was horrified and waved my hands and backed up and it kept coming closer and closer and IT grabbed my hand as I tried to move away.  My friend who is really tiny was infuriated and screamed at IT to “let go” and to “get away” My friend tells this story in way that makes it sound very humorous but at the time it was not because It is huge and we are not.  We did not know but her brother was worried about IT bothering us so he had told the bouncer to keep an eye on us when he went to the other side of the bar. I am so grateful he did because the guy was looking out for us and saw the whole thing.  He ran over and pulled IT away and IT got thrown out before the Darkness even came out.   We later heard that IT was very angry and pacing up and down the street in front of the club not wanting to leave.

So when I see people mentioning IT online it kills me that IT slides through and in and slithers around and no one knows.

I know IT is out there but I still go out and I am still present and I am living my life and doing what I love every day.  I am done with this – I am taking the power back from IT. To those of you who are being stalked or have been I say this. There will always be those people who want a piece of you if you shine brighter than they do,  those who are jealous of you because of your light, because you are smarter, prettier, more talented, funnier, the reason does not matter, there is no good reason. They need to be called out; they are the ones who need to be hiding in shame and exposed.  


I’m not hiding I’m free


though IT slides in

and through

and slithers around

and no one knows

It lurks and watches and

is hiding in sight

and no one knows

It stalks

exposed It loses power and slithers to

Its corner of shame deflated




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